A friend of mine once told me my most frustrating characteristic is that I’ve never been serious about anything.
He was right.
As much as I care about writing my book on sustainability, about earning a good career to sustain myself with – in my innermost being the goals mean nothing. I do not understand this contradiction.
Maybe I am too detached from my own life.
I improve myself with discipline in small areas – going to the gym, watching my diet – but I consistently fail to apply that discipline where it is needed most – on doing my math homework, finishing my book, practicing guitar.
That these goals are simultaneously important and meaningless confuses the crap out of me. Perhaps it’s up to me decide, but I don’t have any feelings about it either way right now, I am just empty. Not sad, not unhappy, just without emotion.
As Kurt Vonnegut would say, “So it goes.”
What to do…?
Salinger wrote a very timeless theme about Phonies. But I bet most people never try to become phonies, it’s just that their beliefs are founded on illusions and they are never willing to do the self-reflecting necessary to see that. Fallacies and blindness, the human mind hardwired for culture… how amusing.
We define insanity by the inability to distinguish between reality and illusions. Through our various cultures of beliefs and values, are we not all then insane?